What to expect when you’re NOT expecting… anymore. (part 2)


Click here for Part 1

Before we move on to part two, I want to say thank you to those of you who have shared your story with me. The response to my first post has been overwhelming. I feel so grateful that this is an opportunity for people to open up and receive healing in their worlds. Even if it’s just because they got to talk to someone about it. Please know, you are not alone in this. Many woman have had much harder journeys then I have and by hearing your journey it’s shown me the strength of a woman’s heart to keep trying. To me, I have realized the miracle of life.

It’s a weird thing trying to convince your other half that you’re pregnant. It’s an even weirder thing trying to reassure them you’re ok when you are no longer pregnant.

For a month I went through the giddy (by giddy, I mean nauseous) highs of thinking that Dave and I were about to start a family, down to the strong pain I felt when that wasn’t going to be the case. In saying all that, I am so very grateful for what I went through.

A lot of people (myself included) have said that they would love to get pregnant just to know what it feels like. Well I was “lucky” enough to experience those feelings with only a small insight into what it may look and feel (oh, and smell) like. Let me just say, how your friends describe it… yep, that’s what it feels like. Exciting? Yes! Worth waiting for until you’re 100% certain that it’s not just the feeling you’re after, but you are wanting to have a family no matter what the feeling or experince may look like? Definitely!!

I have been given the opportunity to address my “woulda, coulda, shoulda” thoughts and turn them into actionable items that I know I really want to accomplish before starting a family. Some of those things are quite trivial; like going to the dentist for a full clean and check up (call me strange, but I LOVE that dentist clean feeling and will go through the trauma of all instruments, drills and feelings to get it). Some are more important than that; like making good on a commitment of starting a 12 month internship at my local Church (which by the way involved an awkward conversation with my new boss: ‘Thanks for the offer, I am looking forward to starting next week, oh by the way… I might be pregnant.’—eek!). All in all this event really got me thinking about such things. I am profoundly grateful that now I can get these things under my belt before my belt buckle starts to expand.

Although I thought I knew what my journey would look like—you know, conceiving first go, text book pregnancy and labor, happy child that grows up strong and healthy—the fact of the matter is that I have no idea. Especially now that Plan A didn’t go according to plan. Truth is, it’s not a problem: my strength comes from God. When I found out I wasn’t going to be carrying another little being for the next 9 months, all I heard in my spirit was God saying “Trust Me”.

For me, trusting God means that if the next time Dave and I try to concieve and it happens right away, then that is God’s perfect timing. Trusting God also means that if the process takes a lot longer, with many more challenges and nothing like what I expected, then that is still His perfect plan and timing.

For any woman or couple, this can be a very emotional time. Whether planned or unplanned, easy conceptions to alternate options like IVF or years of trying. Whatever your journey, remember that God wants to say to you “Trust Me.” It’s His plan and His timing. Are you willing to Trust Him?


What to expect when you’re NOT expecting… anymore. (part 1)


What would you do if you found out that your life was about to change–drastically? Would you want to go back in time and re-live some missed opportunities, or would you face this change head on and embrace it for all it’s worth?

For Dave and I, it looked as though things were about to change. We’ve had many discussions about wanting to start a family, we just didn’t know how soon it was all about to start.

I have walked the pregnancy road with enough friends now to know that each woman’s journey is very different. Some friends, it seemed as though their husbands/partners only had to look in their general direction and they were pregnant. Once, twice… three times. For others, it’s been an emotional, burdensome, faith journey where after years and years of trying and IVF treatments they have finally welcomed the blessing of a child into their lives. Others still have had absolutely no success and instead opted to adopt.

Last month was a crazy time for me. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. I had every sign and symptom that I was pregnant. That feeling of exhaustion that doesn’t even make sense to describe because it feels unwarranted. I mean, how can producing a few extra cells and blood really make you that tired!? Physical discomfort as parts swelled, bloated, ached and hurt. That sweeping sense of nausea that can make a walk around the neighborhood feel like a lap around a sewerage treatment plant situated inside the city dump and your gag reflex is working overtime. Yup, you name it, I felt it.

It’s actually quite amazing how long a month can feel when you are waiting desperately for that first moment possible when you can take a pregnancy test and confirm your suspicions. Who knew peeing on a stick could be such a highly anticipated event!

During this time however, I was listening to my inner thoughts and what they were saying. On the one hand I was thinking how amazing and great it will be to have a baby, and how amazingly quickly its come about–lucky me! (To be honest, I was thinking that God knows me too well and He would be willing to bless me with a baby first time ‘trying’ because as if I could wait more than one month! I am not that patient!) While on the other hand, I had many regret filled “woulda, coulda, shoulda” thoughts of all the things I wanted to do before getting pregnant.

For those of you with kids, I’m sure many of you would’ve had these exact same thoughts when you found out you were expecting (planned or unplanned). Yet, nine months later you had a baby in your arms. You might have never imagined it possible nine months prior, but now you wouldn’t change it for the world!

However, my story ends differently to that. This may also be the story that you share as well. Unfortunately my pregnancy didn’t get past one month. In fact it could hardly be called a pregnancy, really. But through this it has been an amazing soul-searching adventure that I would love to share with you.

What would you do if you knew your life was about to change? Would you keep living life as you are doing now? Day in, day out? Or is there something that you keep putting off thinking “I’ll do it one day”? What if you don’t get that “one day”?

As I share my story, I hope it encourages you to make the most of each new day.

Continue to Part 2